Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
