bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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