i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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