kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
