apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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