Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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