i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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