i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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