you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
