Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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