3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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