whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
