I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
