I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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