with your own penis?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
