Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
