What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
How's work?
Spinning.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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