Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
