Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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