so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
