those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
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