1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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