Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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