I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There r osticjed everywhere
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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