It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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