I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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