there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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