It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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