Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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