Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
