so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
