Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
