The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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