i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
