Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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