omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
