I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
