We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
