Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He passed out mid-signature
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
