i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
