I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
