3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she looked like the before picture.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
