My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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