It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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