I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
