My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
