Cold hands, warm shart.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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