I want to have your abortion
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
