i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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