five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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