You work out of a Hotel?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
